We’ve all seen cartoons with the familiar angel and demon sitting on opposite shoulders, fighting over who should advise the protagonist. They illustrate an internal dialogue of a character who is deciding between something right and wrong. It’s easy to empathize with the idea of two voices in our head fighting each other. But who said these voices are distinctly “good” or “evil”?
Every day, I am struggling with wanting to do too many things with my limited time. It feels like there are 3 or 4 voices in my head yelling out suggestions, and usually they all seem pretty good. But my automatic reaction is to pick one voice to tune in to and label all of the others “wrong”. Do you do this too?
When I was a teenager, I remember hearing my parents talk about my struggle to “find myself”. They imagined I was at a huge crossroads in my life, and I interpreted this as a place where I could customize my own personality, sort of like adding toppings at a giant ice-cream buffet! (If only it was that easy.) But after hearing that “find yourself” phrase over and over, I began thinking about myself as a flat paper doll personality, always predictable and unchanging, instead of the roly-poly ball of opposites that defined my childhood self.
Now, I feel like a traitor if I do something that “Emily would not do.” But blocking out those other voices in my head has never gotten easier, especially at times in my life with great change. It becomes incredibly difficult to make decisions because there are so many directions I want to go. My personality constantly tries to return to its multi-dimensional shape.
And perhaps returning to this way of seeing ourselves is the key to understanding and seeing others. The world is full of opposites pulling and fighting each other. But inside we are all just as restless.
